Here we go again.
Do you ever get this feeling that you were made for something bigger? Something… I don’t know, beyond you? Like you were being held back by your skin, pulled down by gravity, strapped in a straight-jacket. Of course all these things can be put under the category of “fear”, but all the other metaphors make it sound more poetic.
Well every year, I tell myself that this year, it’ll happen. The unstrapping of my wings. or, the unfurling of my silken petals. see? Metaphors, they make you sound cool. haha.
But this year, I feel befuddled, confused, whirlwind-y.
All these dreams are still in the back of my head, the daydreams never cease and yet I find myself not knowing how to touch any of them. My favorite advice is “GO!”, but as always, you try for a bit to go and go and go and then someone or something or the world just gets in the freakin way.
But anyway, i guess my point is…
Here we go again.
I guess all we have to do everyday is try and try and try to reach for that Bigger Thing and you know, a little faith would do us all some good. I have a feeling this year is going to be filled with so many mixed emotions and intensity and confusion and yet it leaves me elated and excited, perhaps that’s good enough.
You know, I don’t know if you get this (but I hope someone, somehow, does)— you know that feeling, back when you were in high school? When you’re out late on a school night, and you’re somewhere you shouldn’t be but the air is filled with so much electricity and mystery that you can’t help but stay? The lights most prominent are the traffic lights and lampposts, the sound you remember is the rushing of cars in tunnels and the only feeling you can recall feeling is that tonight, you know, maybe, even if just tonight, the universe revolves around you.
I want to feel that again. I want the certain uncertainties, the bigness of the world. I want it inside me again.
